Separation from God

Separation from God is an interesting subject.

I felt separated from God for over a month. In the RU Men’s Home, I was privileged enough to do chapel, as unworthy as I am. In my posts, I try not to get too personal, because I want my blog to focus more on expounding the truth that God gives me to the world, rather than what is going on in my personal life, but it will be a mixture of both.

With that being said, I was living in complete rebellion to God. Rebellion is the same as witchcraft. I began to idolize a girl in my life. I began to idolize this girl, and then my leadership asked me to take her out of my life when she began to wander away from the Lord. Let me just say this: your leadership always has your best interest in mind, and even if they don’t, God does, and can I just say, God works through your leadership to reveal His will for your life.

I took that girl, and placed her in my life where God should have been. I created an idol in my life. That was when the descent in my walk with God began. She consumed my thoughts. Nothing bad, but just what she was doing, how her day was, how her devotions were, praying for her. My thoughts were her. What’s so bad about that? My thoughts should be about God, and Christ, and His love for me, and His precious and holy Word.

Then my leadership asked me to stop talking to her. That’s when I stepped out from underneath the influence of the Holy Spirit, and began living under the influence of the flesh. The time I’ve spent at Reformers Unanimous has literally been the best year of my entire life, but I’ve also had the worst month of my entire life while I was here, and that was the month I was separated from God. I lost my peace, and my joy. I lost every aspect of my walk with God. The pain was unbearable. It hurt. Physically hurt. In Matthew 27, the only time Jesus cried out to God was during the ninth hour, and that was the most painful moment in Jesus Christ entire life, I believe, was that separation from God. Isaiah tells us that God’s hand is not slack, that He cannot save, nor is His ear heavy, that we cannot hear, but that our sins have separated us from Him.

I wanna tell you, I have never felt so far from God. Even when I was saved, and I thought about it, I thought God was with me. Every time I opened the Bible or heard someone preach, they mentioned obedience, and God would tell me “Michie, be obedient,” but I didn’t listen. Finally, the pain became to the point where I wanted to do anything I could to numb it. I did what I know best, and that’s drugs. When I came home that night, I had to call my boss, sobbing in tears at the realization of what I had lost. I don’t mean the year sobriety, or the respect of my colleagues, but rather, my relationship with God. We began to take steps of action to correct the errors in my life. The entire time, God was calling out to me, saying “My child, I love you, I forgive you, come back to me.”

I want to close with a Bible verse: Jeremiah 31:3

The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, [saying], Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.

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